How can talking about my grief or trauma make me feel better?
When we’re hurting from a loss or a painful past, it may seem like talking about it only makes it worse. That may be true if the person we’re talking to just wants us to get over it or denies the validity of our experience. It may also be true that nothing can be done to change what has happened so what good will talking about it do? If talking about it won’t solve anything, why bother, right?
But here’s the thing, pain doesn’t just go away if we don’t talk about it. In fact, it can seem to grow and spread like an infection. It can keep making us feel bad or make us feel even worse. It can become like a shameful secret. But secrets and shame lose their power when they are no longer secret. And wounds need to be aired to heal.
That doesn’t mean we need to tell everyone about our grief and trauma. But it does mean that talking about it with the right person or people can be healing. Pain met with compassion and acceptance can be the salve for our wounds.
Talking about our grief and trauma with the right person or people can help us feel as if we do not have to carry our pain all by ourselves. It can help us feel seen and heard. It can help us feel like what happened to us matters, like we matter.
But then what? Again, how does talking about loss or a painful past change anything? The truth is that talking won’t change what has happened. It won’t bring back our loved ones who have died. It won’t take away the bad things that have happened to us.
But it may help us to see our pain from a different perspective. It can change the story we tell ourselves about what happened. Instead of seeing ourselves as a victim, we might come to see ourselves as a survivor. Instead of seeing ourselves as broken, we might come to see ourselves as resilient. Instead of seeing ourselves as all alone, we might come to feel more connected to all of humanity.
When we change the story we tell ourselves about what has happened to us, it changes what we think is possible for our future. If we are a victim, nothing good seems possible. If we are a survivor everything good seems possible. If we are alone, nothing has meaning. If we are connected, everything has meaning.
Experiencing grief and trauma is painful. And talking about grief and trauma is painful. But just like a physical wound hurts until it heals, your emotional pain will continue to hurt until it is processed. And part of processing pain is talking about it. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.