What’s wrong With Me?
Would you be surprised if I told you there is probably nothing wrong with you? Even if you have been experiencing debilitating symptoms for years, the answer is still that there is probably nothing wrong with you. I say that not to minimize your experience, but because I believe there are reasons why we act the way we do. At the core of most dysfunction, it is not a question of “What’s wrong with me?” but rather “What happened to me?”
All of us experience difficult situations throughout our lives and we all develop thoughts and behaviors to respond to these life stressors to help us to cope or even to survive. Some of us did not have good role models for healthy coping skills. Some of us grew up not knowing how to express our emotions in healthy ways. Some of us were taught to believe that we were never good enough. And some of us have experienced profound loss that hurts so bad we think there must be something wrong with us.
Whatever you think is wrong with you, I am confident that your thoughts and behaviors make sense in the context of question, “What happened to me?” Exploring thoughts and behaviors can lead to insight which can lead to change. Sometimes our thoughts and behaviors were necessary for a time but no longer serve us at this point in our lives. Sometimes we may believe things that aren’t true because we were misled or because we did not know then what we know now. Sometimes what we may think is the end may only be a new beginning.
When we can bring new understanding of our behavior and the behavior of others around us, we may find that our symptoms make sense. When we can look at our circumstances with compassion for our suffering, we may be able to give ourselves what has been missing or lacking in our lives. When we can accept ourselves with all our brokenness, we may find it easier to connect with others who are broken. When we can acknowledge and process our pain, we may make meaning of our past and find purpose for our future.
Richard Rohr says, “Pain that is not transformed will be transmitted.” We owe it to ourselves and to the people we care about to heal our pain. I offer myself as a witness and a guide when you’re ready to ask yourself, “What happened to me?” The work will be difficult, but it will also be transformative and ultimately healing.